Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
