When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
