so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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