I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
