just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
