Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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