does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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