Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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