I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
