I have demons in me.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
