My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize