Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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