I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
