margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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