Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
