I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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