no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
