i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
