I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
