FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
