i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
