Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
