hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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