Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
