after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
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the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize