I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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