He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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