Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
