I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
