"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
