How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We got so high we made milksteak
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
