Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
