I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
4 words: hood of his car
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
