I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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