No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
