Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
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you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
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Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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