I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
