Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
