Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
