just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
