I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
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at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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