I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
so much tequila, so little girl.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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