I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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