really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
