Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
