Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
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He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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