We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.