I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.