$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
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with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
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I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.