What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀