i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.