My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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