people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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