He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You smell like stripper and shame
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
