sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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