We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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