You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
420 ftw
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
