i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
