actually, I'm a sock model
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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