Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
