He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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