you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
