so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
