i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
